Lesion

i. 

the waves and wind
tear pieces of flesh
from the morning
sky; echoes of
the TV, of the
patients, I mean me,
slurping down coffee,
billlows of silent
noise like wires
clamping down on
my jaw.

i love you, little g,
my golden wolf.
i miss you.
i dream of your
golden hair, like
tawny yellow grasss in the california
summer
i dream of your warmth.

my love has blue
eyes, bright in the sun,
dark, with flecks
of gray and ice
which vanish in the
reflection  of my love.

ii.

forms are fungible
in the quiet
corridors of the
circular loops of our
minds.

words are like rain
falling against a black
sky buit it's the
lightening not the
rain that lights
our way through
the dark and
through the bone-
chilling sleep of fear.

rules are like leaves
that whimiscally
cajole themselves
to the ground.
trample them with
a smile since
they are meant
for the earth.

iii.

the doctor speaks
to me in well-formed
sentences laden with
daignostic nomenclature
he spends hours
fretting and gathering
collateral but when
he sees me he
only speaks in bayesian
logic with crisp,
certain assertions
predicated on nothing.

he waddles rather
than walks, an overweight
french man, old before
his years. he looks
less healhty than
my friend taha, who
carries knifes and
gambles and breaks
his fists on
faces when his
inner devil takes
control.

when i am
scared, i read
passages of the
"little prince" out
loud. then i realize
how sad it is and
put the book down.

old verses find
their muscle memory
and become
manifest: Blake,
Frost, Eliott.
i thought i had
forgotten but the
pressure and the
fear drives a knife
into my autonomic
nervous system and
fragments of verses
from the masters
pour back the page
of their origin.

i hate it in here.
i struggle to breathe
and to stay warm.

if doctors have
taken an oath
to do no harm,
why do they
trample on my soul,
my liberties, my
humanity?

iv.

my family comes to
visit and my dad
brings a checkbook.
we jews don't
forget how bad
things can get.

he talks to me
in a tone that
mimics the colloquial,
the non-medical
and he appers bright,
happy, in control.

does he know that
he is also a patient
yet his time is
not now
still, patients should
know themselves.